woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
