we have pet lesbian snakes
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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