Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
