Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
