Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
