cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just had sex bonerless
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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