I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
