that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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