I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
