we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
