these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
