Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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