Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
