I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
