He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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