two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
