remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
