its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
