Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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