Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I forget how to act sober
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
