using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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