rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
