mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize