His pubic hair was longer than his dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
