Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
