Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
