Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
