i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
