Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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