If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
