I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
