I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
