Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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