I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
