He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize