Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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