No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
