Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Girls should come with a carfax report
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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