The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
