What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
