dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I cut my penus on the lid.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
