once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
