When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
