Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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