is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He felt like a one man threesome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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