Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
