oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
