Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
