When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
