I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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