So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smell like Dick and happiness
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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