Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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