I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
