my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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