Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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