Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
