I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
as a side note pls kill me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
