U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
