Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
