as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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