East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
