Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
