I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize