Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
