Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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