i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
