im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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