the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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