I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
