what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
