mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
