You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
