There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
