Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
