whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
