its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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