if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
