just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
