In America we eat man semen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
