from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
