is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
