And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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