All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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