He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
