Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
