Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
