I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize