You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
