Midget sex pt 2 tonight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
