It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
