# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
