just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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