look no pants
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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