I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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